Saturday, May 13, 2006



Hobbit Lovin’

This last Wednesday a couple of friends and I took a fantastic journey through Middle Earth and came out the end unscathed, minus a bit of a hang over. We commited one of the nerdiest acts conceived by man. We watched, back to back to back, all three of the extended versions of the Lord of the Rings. I skipped my last class of the day, anthro 380 (take this class if you like skipping at least once a week and not missing anything), and started the marathon at around 1:30 PM and it lasted with minimal breaks until 3:30 AM the following morning. I know many of you out there would not understand this urge that caused me to commit this treason against everything to prevent celibacy, and I know it is right of you to feel this way. Ever since the first extended version of LotR came out on DVD I knew someday I would have to watch them all, and this dream finally came true.
Along with just the movies we spiced up the whole experience with some extracurricular activities, mainly drinking and pizza. We started our drinking with the beginning of The Return of the King, the last one, for those who are unfamiliar with life on the outside of a sandy cave in the Arabian Desert, and decided the best way to go about it was in the form of a drinking game. The rules were fairly complicated, but for those with a vast knowledge of the movie it was simple. First and foremost, one drink was taken for anything taken as sexual involving a hobbit; hobbit on hobbit action, man on hobbit, or any N.A.W.H.L. activities (National Association of Wizard Hobbit Love). Since this runs rampant though out the movie, we had to make it only one drink for each instance or we all would have died of alcohol poisoning. We also had a one drink rule for every time Aragon got hit on, a new scene that was not in the original (which was later abolished by Eric because he was getting hammered off it), a scene with the ghosts, any comic relief by Gimli, and any awe inspiring fighting move that any viewer saw fit to drink to. We did shots for our favorite scenes, and a shot for when the ring final melted away in the fires of Mt. Doom. Eric became so drunk that he blacked out the memories of him finishing the movie, kind of defeating the reason for the whole night, but we all had fun and a long tired following day to reflect on our journey.
If I had to say that I learned just one thing from this experience it would be clear to me what that notion would be. Sam and Frodo cannot keep their hands off each other, and I think Peter Jackson really wants to have sex with a hobbit.

Thursday, May 11, 2006


A Modest Proposal

It has become apparent to the whole sports world that baseball is in a bit of pickle. Steroids and many other performance enhancing drugs have overrun America’s former past time (which is now football in many opinions, including my own) and set a sloped field of success that has polluted a once proud game into making its honest players climb an uphill battle. Many rather weak plans have been put into action to curb doping in Major League Baseball but even in the wake of the congressional allegations and hearings little has been done to get to the root of the problem. A new approach needs to be taken in order to get baseball back on its feet, so we have to think outside the lines and the answer just happens to be in our grasp. Baseball needs to open up the doors for enhancement drugs, and not just allow them, but enforce a strict drug taking policy hulking the whole MLB as huge as the drug world can safely make it. The fans will be happy, the owners will be ecstatic, the doctors will have full control over the player’s health and wellbeing, and the players will have an even playing field to compete. When looking at the positive outcomes apparent in this proposal it will put to rest all the fears and discrepancies that complicate the issues surrounding baseballs power-surge, a surge that will look meek compared to the enhancement that should be seen in order to keep the peace, the fans in their seats, and money in everyone’s pockets.
The Fans want to see baseball’s enhanced state that cranks the ball out of the park more often than ever. From my experience, the first tickets to sell out, when I am looking into a pair for a Seattle Mariners game, are those with the Yankees, Red Sox, and the Giants. As baseball fans know you go and see the Yankees to boo them (If you are a true fan of baseball) you go to see the Red Sox win because everyone loves the underdog, but the Giants are a different story. People want to go watch the Giants to see if Barry Bonds is going to hit one out of the park that day. Barry Bonds, the most prolific power hitter of our time. The man who broke the single season home run record set by Mark McGwire, at 70, by demolishing 73 pitches over the wall. This is also the man who is now a single homerun away from tying The Babes all time homerun record at 713 for second place all time. It was recently proven during the record setting season Bonds was using two designer steroids know as the Cream and the clear, along with insulin, human growth hormone, testosterone decanoate ( a fast acting steroid known as Mexican beans) and trenbolone, a steroid invented to improve the muscle quality of cattle ( Bonds exposed ). Fans loved it. The homerun chase was all that anyone would hear about in the media or in the office, and everyone tuned in to see if today would be the day Bonds would do it, and no one cared about how he was getting it done it. It was the same way 1998 when the media and the fans were wrapped up in the home run chase between Sammy Sosa, who ended the season with 66, and McGwire’s 70 that broke the existing record (Bonds exposed). McGwire used steroid sprees to bulk himself up to the massive size that was able to crush all those homers, as described in Jose Canseco’s tell all book Juiced.
“…[In] 1988, Mark [McGwire] and I started talking about steroids again, and soon we started using them together. I injected Mark in the bathrooms of the Coliseum more times than I can remember.” (Canseco, 74)
Being involved in steroids together Canseco and McGwire talked about, and helped each other, in building the massive bodies that were racking up all of baseballs highest honors. McGwire was loved by everyone. He was the golden boy of baseball and he was untouchable from the criticism of the media and that of the fans because of his natural ability and his down home, awkward red headed looks (Canseco, 76). The only thing that the media stuck on him was the use of androstenedione, a legal steroid, which was proven repeatedly to have no impact on building strength or muscle mass. They were just found to have many adverse side effects including breast enlargement, testicle shrinkage, infertility in males, increased facial and body hair, voice deepening, and clitoral enlargement in females. Soon after this scandal came to life McGwire stopped using the legal supplement and just added to his golden boy image by doing the “right thing.” (Denham, 64-5). All through the ages of baseball, until that fateful day when the boys at BALCO had reveled the embodiment of what everyone knew had been there for years, no one acted. In 1988, during the American League playoffs, the fans of the opposing Red Sox’s taunted the league MVP, Jose Canseco, with a chant of “STER-oids!” and in response to this he decided it best to pose like a body builder displaying his pumped up physique to angry fans. At this same time, Washington Post sports columnist Tom Boswell publicly accused Canseco of using enhancement drugs (Sailer, 639). The facts were there but no one acted. Some might say that the fans would not put up with all theses cheaters in the game of baseball and they would lose interest. The Red Sox fans were angry with Canseco, but it seemed to just be jealousy that he was not with their squad. Later after a short stint with the Rangers, Canseco was traded the Red Sox where he had a couple of good seasons (Canseco, 167). The fans want to see these power hitters on their teams. Fans do not boo their own players for steroid use. This can also be seen with the fans in San Francisco still cheering Barry up to every plate appearance even in the new light on his exploits. The fans want to see their team crush the ball out of the park and win them championships without being troubled by issues with morality. With every player on steroids the ball will never land and their will not be a possibility for cheaters to trouble any morality of the baseball fan base. In turn this gives the fans what they want getting their bodies in the seats and money in the pockets of the players and management alike.
The owners have learned what the fans want, and they are going to give it to them, because there is no way they can lose. People come to see power hitters, but they also come to see a team that wins titles. This brings us back to an issue that is at the heart of the power surge in baseball. In the 1970’s, Billy James, a boiler-room attendant toiled away comparing the approaches of two of baseball’s all time best players, Ty Cobb and Babe Ruth. James was looking for which style was more affective in terms of helping the team; the power hitter with the lower batting average, or the singles hitter who can consistently crack one into the gap. Even though Cobb’s significantly higher batting average of .366, the highest ever, dwarfed the Babes average of .342 there was an angle that had not yet been looked at. Pitchers could not throw a strike down the middle of the plate to Ruth for fear of him depositing it over the center field wall. Pitchers were forced to venture their pitches to outer edges of the plate with many misses that would produce walks. Ruth’s .474 on base percentage left a higher potential for runs to be batted in, compared to Cobb’s percentage of .433 (Sailer, 641). Power wins games. With stricter standards set for testing the big hitters, this will either shrink, or suspended, these homerun monsters lowering baseball back into another dead age for hitters numbers and television ratings. As long as the players are in good care and the benefits keep piling up, I do not see why this has not already been suggested.
Professional athletes have the best of the brightest medical professionals to look after their gifted bodies. Enforcing an enhancement drug policy would give those doctors the opportunity to take full control of these professional baseball players which they had lost many years ago. Some people might say that these enhancement drugs are very dangerous and are very harmful to players who employ them. Canseco would have to disagree with these people using his experience as an example.
“…All sportswriters thought they had me figured as a classic example of a player who would have been great if not for all the steroids I’d taken, and the injuries that they believed the steroids caused. In fact, they had it exactly backward. I would never have been a major-league caliber player without the steroids. I wouldn’t have been capable of playing softball in a beer league- not with my health being what it was… I truly believe I would be in a wheelchair today if steroids had not been available to me” (Canseco, 167)
Canseco believed with all of his health problems that he would not have even been able to make it into the majors, let alone be as successful as he was, without the assistance of steroids and human growth hormone. Canseco would later state that steroids are like alcohol, and like alcohol moderation was the key to safety for those elite athletes (Canseco, 181). Canseco feels that steroids are positive for player’s careers and when used properly can bring about great success with minimal side effects. The tools of using advanced protective equipment, superior training techniques for fitness and strength, and proper rules and legislation for the athlete’s best interests, are the best methods in use today to support the health of athletes according to Gordon Matheson MD, PHD, and Editor-in-Chief of Physician & Sportmedicine (Gordon). Adding steroids to that arsenal of methods could improve the game and its players, but as long as existing policies are in place physicians would no go along with it. Gordon would also go on to state a claim about a physician’s role in baseball today, “Physicians should not be involved in professional sports that compromise ethics, have anemic policies on drug use or injury prevention, and do not make attempts to ensure short and long-term health for athletes.” (Gordon) These are all problems that can be solved with my proposed plan. We have already explained the health benefits that are possible with controlled used of the substances; they can lengthen careers, and give players the physical and mental edge that it takes to play in the pros, and achieve higher levels of success then players believed possible. If medical professionals are in place to control the ergogenic drugs taken in by athletes they can use this power to improve the quality of life for the players. After Bonds was hooked up with BALCO, and its founder Victor Conte and his chemists, they brought Bonds to another level of sophistication with his drug intake. Meticulous three week cycles of injected growth hormone every other day and Bonds taking of the Cream and the Clear in the off days prescribed by BALCO. This program fueled his 2002 MVP season and his 700. on base percentage in the World Series (Bonds exposed). This was an extension and an improvement on his career in its late stages that would not have been possible without the help of these knowledgeable professionals. Bonds was hurt by the enhancement drugs only when he got too big too fast from an unregulated program, and from the side effects experienced from his abuse of his specialized program. These side effects would include sexual dysfunction, hair loss, mood swings, and periods of rage. He would not follow the cycles proposed by BALCO and would command that they be started whenever he felt a dip in his stamina (Bonds exposed). If the doctors were given full control of the athlete’s intake of these drugs than problems, like those with Bonds, could be avoided. Giving players the boost they need more safely than ever possible under the old legislation. The rules and regulation would be in place to give the medical professionals the say, and help in returning integrity to a position that has long been degraded in clubhouses around our nation.
Some might say that taking these drugs is still illegal and for that reason these controlled substances should be outlawed from the game. When looking into the history of banning steroids you will see a feeling of lackadaisical enforcement, and openness to having steroids in use, in the actions in the highest levels of our government. George H. Bush, the President who signed the bill outlawing steroids in 1990, moved in a direction that seemed contrary to the spirit of the bill when he assigned Arnold Schwarzenegger, known world wide for his steroid use and was said to have started using at age 17, as chairmen of the President’s Council on Physical Fitness (Sailer, 638, 640). In 1992 the Texas Rangers traded for the notorious steroid user Canseco even when the knowledge of his steroid use was common in all levels of baseball, and was known in the public sphere as well with Tom Boswell’s story accusing Canseco steroid use. The co-managing director of the organization who signed off on this trade was our current president George W. Bush (Sailer, 640. Canseco 133). It is clear the lacking of a solid stance on steroids goes clear to the top of our government. This stance gives the government no reason to not appeal the ban on performance enhancers making the substances available by prescription only for safer controlled use. Players have abused every policy that has previously been put in place, but with this supervision players will have a situation that can assist them on all levels giving them no choice but to want to conform.
With the government clearing the red tape it will allow this policy to level out the playing field that has turned lopsided to those who have taken advantage of the laziness of baseball. Baseball is not about size, it can give you an edge yes, but the key is in your eyes, your hands, and most importantly your head. Bryan E. Denham, writer of Performance-Enhancing Drug Use in Amateur and Professional Sports: Separating the Realities from the Ramblings, published in Culture, Sport, Society, claims that baseball is not shot put or the 100-meter dash where this raw power and emotion come into play. It is a game of timing and precision where concentration and calmness at bat are the keys to success. The rage that is needed in shot put or sprinting would be disastrous to a hitter causing him strikeout after strikeout (Denham, 66). Denham knows about these fundamentals of the game and the importance they hold in creating a great player. If everyone was enhanced to potential, we would be brought back to a place where these raw skills really mattered. If everyone has the strength, those players with the true talent will shin though all the muscle and be seen for what they are, which is an elite player in the game who deserves the spotlight. The attention given to second rate journeymen belting the cover off the ball after a winter away drove these stars to cheating just to get that advantage back. Bonds was said to have turned to steroids after the 1998 season seeing the attention that McGwire was getting from his record setting escapades (Bonds exposed). These restrictions are only harming the reputations of the players that just had to respond to a rise in power around the league.
The New York Daily News has come out with information that commissioner Bud Selig had determined in mid April that an investigation into the allegations against Bonds will be necessary. Because of no specific ban on performance-enhancing drugs was in existence before 2002, and his persistent denial of ever knowingly using such substances, there are no grounds for suspension unless he is indicted on other charges like tax fraud (Selig to investigate Bonds). This whole scandal has put Bonds place in the Hall of Fame in jeopardy very similarly to the situation which Rafael Palmeiro has himself in. On July 15, 2006 Palmeiro reached the 3,000 hit mark and entered the record books as just the fourth player in baseball history to crank out 3,000 hits and 500 homeruns, joining the ranks of Hank Aaron, Willie Mays, and Eddie Murray. Then Palmeiro got his name back into the headlines when he tested positive for steroids and was suspended for 10 days. This was after testifying before congress that he had never taken performance-enhancing drugs during the length of his career (World Almanac & Book of Facts; 2006). His teams mates were behind him all the way and they accepted him back into the clubhouse after his suspension, but under the pressure of the spotlight he broke a cardinal rule of the clubhouse; never throw a teammate under the bus. Palmeiro had claimed that the reason he might have tested positive for steroids was from a B-12 vitamin that was given to him by Miguel Tejada, even though he tested positive for stanozolol, a powerful steroid not likely to be ingested through a dietary supplement. Tejada was quickly exempted from the investigation for lack of any evidence and Palmeiro was told not to return to the ballpark for the rest of the season. This player who was seemingly a lock for the Hall is now just a snitch and a cheater (Cannella and Bechtel). The steroid problem is turning players against one another and severely damaging player and team relationships with feelings of mistrust caused by tremendous urges to cheat and succeed. With everyone on these drugs it will be the rebirth of our great game giving new life in the club house and a chance to regain its status as America’s pastime.
The most important piece to the rebirth of baseball will be the new importance on fair play that has been absent since the early 1980s. No one will have to lie anymore about how they got to be the size they are. We can once again concentrate on the game itself and the plays that that give us something to talk about. They had tried to weed out the drugs with testing that was too easily avoided, they tried hearings to punish those already involved and they found loopholes, but in the end the damage has already been done. The injuries have mounted and the players have not seen the ending that steroids could have in store for their lives. So in the spirit of American thought, we will bring the league down to the lowest common denominator and make chemically enhanced players the standard that all must apply to. If they do not want to apply, then they become the cheaters. These “workers” will try and consider the world stage of athletic contest and the consequences of rash unfounded shortcuts, and their will be no place for this in the MLB. Majority and the power always win. Why fight what cannot be stopped?

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Clamming and the Beach Mixed With a Definite Rant

Well this last week had been quite busy for me, but not in the normal way. I worked less than I ever have, which might come back to bite me, and I did not have anything major due in class ignoring the fact that next week I have three midterms. I spent most of my time on a mental holiday from all the rigors of my daily life, and most of this vacation was spent at the beach. I took a day trip to the Lincoln City and spent the day with some new friends and had a blast. We mostly just ate some good sea food, and listened to music in between running on the windy and overcast beach. I would have to say that the food was the highlight for all of us, except for Krysta who at the smell of seafood became nauseous. I could not believe this so I coerced her into trying my delicious halibut which she admitted was not bad but she would not order it herself. This was just a ploy to keep her hatred of seafood intact and not open the door for other sea life to make a run for her pallet. This trip was a lot of fun but my clamming trip was so full of drama that I felt like my middle school days were rolling back.

I did have a lot of fun clamming and a good time drinking at night with my friends, but everyone had their own little dilemmas going on, especially when the liquor coursed though our veins. Every couple, or would be couple, was in their own little soap opera that played out before us. I had my own little bout of fun experiences as well that drug me down into serious drunken conversation. This conversation that we were all engaged in should have been replaced with the fun of the days earlier when Ashley’s dad jumped into Bryan’s lap humping him hollering “Brokeback Mountain!” and “I can’t quit you!” while Bryan squirmed back in horror. I had almost died laughing that night. Both nights should have been this fun, but it was not to be. Instead I blacked out a bit and Kevin slept propped up in the passenger seat of Bryan’s truck because he got a bit belligerent.
I guess it was destined to be this way when I sat by the fire reading my book and most of the camp was drunk by 11 A.M. making more of the conservative (older) campers in adjoining cites a bit nervous. Sometimes is makes me wonder if we all can spend time together as social groups without being drunk and have a good time. I am not a big drinker and if you know we well you know why. I had the most fun that whole trip when I was on the beach with muddy sand up to my knees and elbows, freezing to the core, digging for what was to be our dinner. To say it bluntly, I hate alcohol. It is a crutch for our social interaction and has ruined a good part of my life through many outlets. For a long time I promised myself I would never drink because my passion for it was so strong. Alcohol has an attractiveness that was impossible to resist for me and eventually I caved in forgetting my hatred and enjoyed myself in foolishness for a long time, but my reservations never vanished from my mind. For all the fun times I have had intoxicated there are at least two more where I was so miserable that I just wanted to end it, regretting that I had ever drank a drop. In moderation all the problems are eliminated but this balance is hard to maintain and is usually lost in a party atmosphere with in moments. I do not hate people who drink, I am one of them. I just hate the abilities that we have lost through our lust for a loss of control. I am not trying to preach. I just come from a different outlook from most people I encounter where I can see this drinking lifestyle developing into something that down-the-line we could lose control of. Having us become one of those things that I fear and loath the most.